𝗪𝗵𝘆 𝗦𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 “𝗡𝗼” 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗳𝘂𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗗𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗲𝘀 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘂𝗽 𝗦𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀

Growing up in a small town surrounded by lush forests, Rory* developed a deep connection with nature. During one of her annual family camping trips, she witnessed a massive forest fire ravaging the forest from a distance. The sight of countless burning trees, wildlife fleeing the trees, and firefighters struggling against heavy winds and a three-day drought left a lasting impression.

In college, Rory majored in environmental studies and became increasingly fascinated by consumer products' impact on the environment. While forest fires were an obvious threat, she recognized that many everyday products posed a hidden, long-term danger.

During her junior year, she joined a sustainable design project as part of a state-wide contest. Her team created prototypes for eco-friendly home goods. In her presentation, she carefully balanced sustainability with affordability, knowing that people like herself couldn't spend much more, even for a good cause. After graduation, Rory worked for several nonprofits before launching GreenHaven offering eco-friendly home goods and furniture.

As GreenHaven rapidly expanded, Rory found herself overwhelmed by constant requests from suppliers, team members, and customers. She had anxiety in meetings and was tempted to say Yes to shorten the meeting. However, these commitments left her drained and struggling to focus on her business's core mission. She worked increasingly long days and had less time relieving stress, like hiking and camping with friends, yet the company wasn't performing better. Rory needed to set boundaries to protect her time and energy.

With an advisor's help, Rory stepped back to analyze her priorities. She recognized that while helping others mattered, she couldn't compromise GreenHaven's growth. She began by categorizing requests based on their alignment with company goals and, for four weeks straight, discussed her priorities for the next week with the advisor, who was supportive but critical until the priorities aligned with business growth.

For customers, Rory shared GreenHaven's roadmap for new goods and furniture. She politely declined custom orders that didn't fit in that roadmap, while offering discounts on new items to encourage purchases, feedback, and testimonials. With suppliers, Rory negotiated flexible delivery schedules for better inventory management in change for shorter payment terms, and GreenHaven switched to bimonthly payments to streamline bill reviews. For her team, she created a decision-making framework that enhanced delegation and reduced unnecessary meetings.

These boundaries led to significant improvements in Rory's productivity and well-being. GreenHaven's growth accelerated with better profit margins, enabling more investment in new products. The clear communication built trust with customers, team members, and suppliers, who valued her honesty and reliability. An unexpected benefit was that some working relationships actually improved. By explaining her struggles and prompting changes, many people opened up about their challenges.

Rory discovered that setting limits wasn't simply a binary choice between saying yes and no. She could offer options that suited her priorities, set clear limits and expectations, and make exceptions if needed. She redefined success on her own terms and learned to confidently hold herself and others to these standards.

Saying “No” is Tough but Necessary

“Half of life’s troubles can be traced to saying ‘yes’

too quickly and not saying ‘no’ soon enough.”

– Josh Billings

Being a founder means juggling countless balls and deciding which ones to keep in the air. A major part of this juggling act involves meeting with stakeholders.

Most introverts find meetings draining and may feel tempted to yield to demands for more meetings or other requests rather than summon the energy to say "no." This natural desire to help others often pushes founders to agree to requests, even when those requests pull them away from their priorities.

By setting boundaries, founders can ensure their time, resources, and energy support their company's growth. This approach means prioritizing requests that align with company goals while politely declining those that don't. For example, when a board member refers a reporter for an interview, the founder might research the publication's target audience and past articles to determine if this new article will generate significant interest in the company.

Founders may struggle with saying "no" due to fears of conflict, rejection, or appearing uncooperative. However, the skill of setting clear limits is crucial for self-preservation, creative energy, and dedication to core activities. By establishing boundaries, founders emphasize more impactful work. Rejecting requests can also build stronger professional relationships since other people know quickly where they stand.

Saying "no" is an act of self-care rather than rejecting someone else by delivering it with a clear explanation, respect, and alternatives when possible. Setting boundaries helps you build confidence in decision-making, communicate more effectively with stakeholders, and show others that you support them but are limited as a human.

Practical Steps for Saying "No"

1. Clarify Priorities: Before responding to requests, establish a clear understanding of your priorities and goals. This foundation makes it easier to assess whether any future request aligns with your vision, time, and resources.

2. Reframe Your Mindset: Consider saying "no" as a necessary way to defend your time and energy as discussed above.

3. Communicate with Compassion: When declining a request, be direct yet empathetic. When possible, offer alternatives (discussed below).

4. Accept Different Perspectives: Some people may persist despite your refusal, insisting their needs are critical. Acknowledge their needs but protect yourself.

By embracing this process, introverted founders can better navigate others’ demands.

Alternatives to No

Let's explore techniques for setting effective boundaries with specific stakeholders.

Investors. Founders often feel compelled to respond quickly and thoroughly to investor requests. While some matters may require urgent attention, other requests should be evaluated against existing priorities.

For example, if an investor asks you to evaluate some potential portfolio companies, but in the last board meeting, you established that your focus must be on accelerating growth over the next two quarters, reviewing these companies would distract from this goal.

You have some options here:

• You can carefully remind them about your growth priorities and respectfully decline to help this time

• You can offer to review one company, but not all of them

• You can refer them to another qualified reviewer, or

• You can request a delay until you complete a critical milestone

Finally, you can seek the advice of another investor or stakeholder, especially if they know the requestor, and brainstorm ways to respond effectively without taking on the work.

Team. Early-stage founders typically handle countless tasks themselves to get their business off the ground and growing.

As startup founders scale their companies, transitioning from this hands-on approach during launch to becoming a leader who delegates can be challenging both for the founder and team members taking on new responsibilities.

Effective delegation requires substantial upfront work: providing context, setting expectations, defining limitations, and clarifying desired outcomes. Founders must also be prepared to give up managing the process and instead evaluate the results. Finally, you may have to watch as someone struggles and even makes minor mistakes so they can learn how to be effective on their own.

However, if you can do all this, you will be surrounded by people excited about taking responsibility and motivated by success while you carefully monitor the progress.

For broader decision-making aligned with delegation, sort choices into four categories: decisions you must make personally, ones requiring your input, ones you need to know about, and ones that can proceed without you. This simple framework empowers your team and naturally reduces your involvement in day-to-day discussions.

When meeting with the team, balance providing information, evaluating progress, and listening to ideas and concerns.

For more information about delegation, see the Leadership chapter.

Customers. Some customer requests will help enhance your product, deliver a better experience, or reach new audiences—and that's great. Other requests will fall outside your roadmap, but you'll still need to respond. Explaining your roadmap may be appreciated, even if they don’t agree with your plans.

For service-based businesses, try addressing issues through clear communication before taking drastic action. This could include discussing disruptive behavior with clients, offering incentives for timely payments, or setting clearer expectations about project requirements.

In service-based businesses, some clients can be incredibly demanding. Ironically, smaller clients often require more time and resources than larger ones. Support reasonable requests to maintain the relationship. However, when requests become disruptive, have a candid conversation with the client. If that fails, consider ending the relationship.

For direct-to-consumer businesses, focus on implementing automated solutions to address recurring customer concerns.

If these efforts prove unsuccessful, firing a client or removing a demographic of customers (e.g. by region or product-type) can be a strategic move, especially when they negatively impact your company's values, finances, or operations. Valid reasons include ethical concerns, disruptive behavior, late payments, and constant fee disputes. These customers can drain your team, resources, and processes, and damage your reputation.

Handle this professionally by reviewing the service agreement, choosing appropriate timing, and communicating respectfully. Provide clear reasons for your decision and, when suitable, suggest alternative services.

It’s tough to let go of a paying client, both financially and psychologically. However, when a client has a corrosive and oversized impact on your business, firing them shows support for your team and enables you to identify and focus on ideal customers.

Your Schedule and Others. Success often brings increased demands on your time. You'll likely receive requests for interviews, speaking engagements, and guidance from other founders. Take time to reflect on how these requests align with your values and priorities.

When declining a request, don't simply ignore it, tempting as that may be. Remember that asking for help takes courage. The person has made themselves vulnerable by reaching out. A clear, supportive response usually takes less than a minute to write.

Here are some options for responding to requests:

• If you want to help later, suggest a specific date to reconnect.

• If you want to help but can't fulfill the entire request, propose a smaller way to assist.

• If you cannot personally help, recommend someone else who might.

• If you cannot help at all, decline respectfully and wish them well.

Some people will continue asking for help, whether malicious or not. Remember that you're not obligated to help, nor do you need to justify your decision.

Key Takeaway: The world can be highly demanding. When pursuing ambitious goals, it's essential to set clear boundaries and expectations while treating others with respect. Balance is key.

How Can I Keep Learning? In recent weeks, you might have said "yes" when you wanted to say "no," or perhaps declined requests less respectfully than intended. Think of three different ways you could have handled those situations, then get feedback from someone you trust to give honest, constructive advice. This practice will strengthen your communication skills over time, like building a muscle.

* Rory’s story is a fictional account inspired by various people and situations I've encountered over the years. It was created to provide another perspective on this topic.

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Build Scale Grow solves problems for fast-growing startups, specializing in Social Impact, EdTech, and Health Tech and focusing on Introverted Founders.

I wrote this post with AI editing. Photo by Anastasia Krachkovskaya.

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